Fox

My mom is renting a house in Plainfield, CT, which is in the middle of nowhere. There is farm land, forest, and that is about all. The property she is renting encompasses over 40 acres of forest, and Connecticut's largest state forest continues the veil of wilderness that surrounds the house. There are many wild animals that are right in our backyard as a result of this forest. We were told to watch out for bears, because they are getting more aggressive and have been known to approach houses.

So, it was hardly a surprise when my mom began to see two red foxes on a regular basis this past winter fraternizing in the side yard on the edge of the forest. Soon after, she noticed four fox puppies romping around with one of the foxes she saw during the winter. When I came home from college for the final time, my mom had told me about the fox family. I saw them the next day from a window and became instantly infatuated. I watched them for over an hour. Some of the puppies were lounging in a patch of clovers, while the other puppies stealthily approached and pounced on their sleepy siblings. They hid in tall grass and gently hopped onto each other like a frogs onto lily pads. The mother fox looked over the entire scene and occasionally cleaned one of her babies by licking their face. Watching from my hidden window I saw the family act as they naturally would. The foxes were playful, loving, and happy. It was endearing to watch them. For the next week my mother, my sister, and I would peek out the window hoping they would be out in the yard. We would all just sit on my mom's bed and wish that we could go out there and play with them. They were having so much fun. I felt lucky to share a home with this fox family.

A few days ago my mom called me from her cell phone and told me that one of the foxes had been hit by a car in the middle of the night. My mom, who has done extensive fox research of late, told me that foxes usually go out hunting at night and probably had gotten caught crossing our road. I felt dejected but tried to keep it out of my mind. My day was packed with appointments and driving, and I did not want to get distracted. But when I pulled out of our driveway onto the main street, I noticed an animal lying in the middle of the road. As I approached the animal I realized that it was one of the fox puppies from our side yard. There was a dead mouse just in front of the fox. I also realized that the fox was not lying, but it was very dead. Fresh blood was visible from his opened body, and the air above his spilled innards was saturated with hungry flies. The fox's face shined a naive smile. The fox did not know the danger of cars, did not know to avoid roads, did not know how short life can be. Seeing that fox in the middle of the road was one of the rawest images I have seen in my life.

My first thought was "what happens to this fox's soul?" In our side yard the fox lived. I watched the fox live, and I am sure that this young fox had a soul.

I had to move the fox's body. I put it into a box and brought it out to our side yard. I dug a small hole near the clover patch and buried the fox. I used a large rock that I dug up as a head stone. There was no epitaph, but a head stone seemed appropriate. At the time I had a silly notion that the mother, brothers, and sisters were appreciative of my symbolic gesture. I thought somewhere in the forest the mother was calmly watching me bury her child. I guess I expect storybook endings. I don't know if foxes have emotions. They probably don't have emotions, or there could be a study from an animal science college that suggests that animals in the dog family are capable of morning. I really do not know. But I do know that the fox family has not returned to our side yard since the burial.